Wondering how to have a fantastic s*x life
with your partner and knowing all the
secret to that intense pleasure, orgasms
and fantasies? An expert explains it all
here.
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EVERY fortnight s*x and love expert Dr Pam Spurr
brings you must-know information to put sizzle
between your sheets. Follow her on Twitter for
daily tips @drpamspurr.
All the chat about the next James Bond got my
girlfriends and me chatting about our fantasy men.
It nearly came to blows (not really) over who’d
make the best Bond when Daniel Craig hands over
the crown.
As the cocktails rolled, so too did admissions.
Most of us had a hankering for Tom Hiddleston.
But equally ranked was the eye-poppingly
handsome Idris Elba.
Then there were some randoms like Tom Hardy (I
can see it) and Benedict Cumberbatch (really?).
Whatever your fantasy figure, be reassured
fantasising is a key part of a healthy s.ex life. As
you’ll see, it only gets you into trouble at No. 6
below.
So here are six must-know things about fantasies:
FANTASY MUST- KNOW NO. 1: Not an Anti-
Climax
People were asked (all in the name of sexology) to
rate the power of their orgasms when they were
fantasising or not. When allowing s.exy scenarios
into their minds, people rated their climaxes more
powerful.
A very good reason to allow your mind to stray to
all sorts of naughtiness IMO.
FANTASY MUST- KNOW NO. 2: That Loving
Feeling
Another survey found couples who got confident
enough to share their secret fantasies felt they had
greater emotional intimacy too. It helped take their
relationship to another level… with lots of lusty
chat leading to feeling more loved-up.
FANTASY MUST- KNOW NO. 3: The Boredom
Factor
Sharing your fantasies with your partner is one
key way to combat bedroom-boredom. Especially
as surveys find couples settle into one or two tried
and trusted positions, it’s an easy way to get
variation otherwise.
FANTASY MUST- KNOW NO. 4: Don’t Get It
Wrong
Firemen and police fantasies are repeatedly at the
top of female fantasies. Don’t get this wrong, it
doesn’t mean they want to be rescued from
something. When asked to explain why police and
firemen are so popular, most women reveal it’s
about the sexiness of the uniform, some bulging
biceps, and getting good guys (people who are
supposed to rescue you) to do ‘bad’ things in bed!
So play into the fantasy details. Chat through the
scenario where you’re the firemen trying to do
something good, but she’s a vixen who wants to
strip off your uniform and create your own heat.
Help her be a bad girl!
FANTASY MUST- KNOW NO. 5: Freaked-out
About Role Play
One main reason people say they don’t want to
share their fantasies is because they think that
means they have to do role-play. They might
fantasise about being a swashbuckling pirate who
captures a beautiful maiden. But they’d die 1000
deaths if their partner asked them to dress as a
pirate.
You don’t have to. Simply relax kissing and
caressing your partner as you describe your
fantasies to each other. Pick up the thread of your
partner’s fantasy and give a new twist to the
scenario. Have fun with a jokey pirate accent and
banter, by all means. But you don’t have to get the
eyepatch, etc.!
FANTASY MUST- KNOW NO. 6: People You
Know
When you can’t get someone you know out of your
fantasies (who isn’t your partner), you may be
dangerously close to a sexual obsession. If people
like that hot colleague, or your best friend’s new
boyfriend or girlfriend, feature in all your
fantasies, give them a wide berth.
Focus on your partner and fantasy figures that
don’t actually touch your real-life.
Dr Pam’s Position: Strip Search
This is one of my favourite positions to recommend
for fantasy play. She leans against a wall and he
comes in from behind. She can leave her heels on
to make penetration easier.
This position can go along with lots of fantasy
scenarios. Like the dirty detective strip searching a
suspect during questioning. Or the managing
director who’s interviewing a new PA and expects
her to show willing, etc.
Enjoy hands roaming all over her body during
gentle thrusting.